How?

How do you return the love someone has for you if you feel that you have no such feelings left in your heart anymore? Your heart have been broken into pieces in the past and can not put all the pieces back together. You don't believe that you can or even deserve this feeling called love and you think you're incapable to feel this feeling at all or anymore. Do you have it in the first place? You used to think love is just plain crap and now you still think that too. You used to think that you were madly deeply in love with that special someone and that love can conquer all but somehow that special someone manage to break all fantasy that you may have. You used to think with love everything will be okay and that your flaws will be accepted as how you accepted their flaws but only to realise that was all your figments of your imaginations. How do you go on with life when the pain is healed but the wound never really closed? How do you make yourself happy again? How do you regain your self-confidence to stand up on your own again? So how do you get on with life with an open heart willing to accept someone else without the fear that the same thing will happen to you again because life just loves screwing with you? How?

I don't know.

Forgiveness

It's strange that people think that by saying 'I'm sorry' everything will just be alright. I don't agree with that at all. I guess it's alright when you bump into someone and said I'm sorry. But lets just put this into a scenario where that person (hereby known as 'the offender') has been saying sorry to you for everything and anything that the offender does wrong. Flaws are forgivable at times and I know since people don't change, flaws usually follows them. But what if it's something that have been going on again and again that the offender have been doing, do you just sweep it under the carpet over and over again when the offender says "I'm sorry"? I'm sure everyone have a certain level of tolerance that he or she can absorb (I won't even use the word 'handle' since by accepting apology is more like absorbing the hurt and mistake that the offender did). Like a sponge there is a level when it can not absorb anymore, what then? You blow over. You get pissy and angry. Then when anger erupts, argument ensue. And then? You either resolve or you don't. If you choose not to give up your stand and not resolve, what then? Argue on? Hmmm....

That Special Feeling

Okay, I'm going to bare all and be whinny here for this post. Why? Because I feel like it. That's why.

You know That Special Feeling? The feeling that leaves you all tingling and nice with no cares for the world but the only thing that matters at that moment is you and your significant other.

The special feeling that make you feel cherished by another is hard to duplicate by someone else. I know I'm being anal in this sense but I can't help to compare any potential guys around me to my ex. Somehow no one compares to him. The way he always give me his first bite whenever we're out together regardless if I have food of my own or not. The way he never fails to make me feel really loved, cherished and just plain special whenever we're together. None have compared so far. All they even make me feel is the longing feeling for my ex. Maybe I' just bias against them. And maybe I'm just clouded. (And you know what, I think so too but I don't know how to overcome this)

Yea yea I know this is silly and I shouldn't be even be thinking about it. It's just that he was prefect then and I always thought we were prefect together. That we will be together always and nothing can tear us apart. Boy, I was dead wrong about that. The break up brought many things to my attention. Yes, I'm temperamental at times. Yes, I can be bossy and bitchy at times. But I always thought we could be honest with each other that anything wrong that he is unhappy about, he would just tell me. I know I would be upset but eventually I will see his point seeing that it is the truth. But at last he took the easy way I guess by breaking up with me.

And that left me in pieces. Pieces that I don't think I can ever whole again. I still cry when I'm alone for no reason at all. The tears just comes and goes although I can barely remember our memories together (I suspect is my brain suppressor is kicking in and blocking all the memories). I get upset with life and everything. I am weak. No one that knows me will believe that but I am. I was weak before but now I'm just useless. I go about life now trying to figure what to do with it because I am never myself again after that. Yes, I admit. I'm not over him yet. He still lives in my heart even after this long. I don't know how to get rid of him. It haunts me everywhere I go.

Flirting

Flirting. It's a common thing. You or someone you know have experienced flirting with someone at one point or another, I am sure. Myself included. So anyway, I Wikipedia the term 'flirting' and this is what I got that explained the nature of 'flirting'.

"Flirting is often used as a means of expressing interest and gauging the other person's interest in courtship, which can continue into long-term relationships. Alternatively, it may simply be a prelude to casual sex with no continuing relationship. In other situations, it may be done simply for immediate entertainment, with no intention of developing any further relationship. This type of flirting sometimes faces disapproval from others, either because it can be misinterpreted as more serious, or it may be viewed as "cheating" if the person is already in a romantic relationship with someone else."

To me, flirting is just a way a girl/boy communicate with the opposite sex. Be it as interest in courtship or just for 'immediate entertainment'. I personally do it too. BUT I try to make sure that my flirting with the opposite sex does not get 'recorded' or caught by anyone whom I might be interested in at that time. I would not flirt in place such as open forums and Facebook Walls. That just leaves the trail of bread crumbs all over the place.

I mean how would it look when someone you're courting or interested in, catches you flirting with someone else? I'm pretty sure that would just boggle his/her mind a little. You said you like someone else, right? Why are you even flirting with someone else? Shouldn't you be more interested in flirting with THE ONE that you trying to court? I personally thinks that such careless flirting will just put anyone off even more than any bad habits can. I accept that some people are flirtatious by nature but still limitations should be exercise when doing it, right?

Also, I think however flirtatious one person could be, surely there are occasion when meaningless flirting are mistaken for the real deal. And being a girl myself, I feel that girls are more prone to mistaking such harmless flirting to be a real courting or may even encourage development of any sort of romantic feelings towards that guy. No offence girls. Just saying.

Compare "Of course, I miss you" and "Yes, I do miss you" and "Hey, haven't seen you for awhile. I miss you." and "I'm missing you here. You're out of Malaysia for so long."

I feel that between these four, 2 gives me the feeling that the person is missing a friend and the other 2 is more intimate in the sense that that he/she misses the other person in a more romantic way.

I have this friend, a guy who is a self proclaim a flirt by nature and has openly flirted with another girl (hereof 'the other girl') when he said he is interested in someone else (hereof 'the one'). He says to me that when he said that he misses the other girl on the Wall, it was just for play and fun. But he really does misses the one in HIS HEART and that such things are not needed to be said. Which make me wonder why should the fun and play misses be said OUT LOUD for the world and not to mention, friends to see and the one that he actually misses is kept in the dark corners of his heart. Then how would the one know about it? Is she expected to know what the hell this guy is thinking IN HIS HEART? And not only that, what would she think if she would to see that message on the Wall to the other girl posted by this guy? I bet she be like, "Wow there, he must be just playing me around for a fool all this time when he already has someone else.". And whooshh... that might be opportunity flying out of the window for this guy. Bye bye...

Yea, I still think flirting can be fun at times despite of what I said above but I also think that there is a fine fine line between fun and play and the real deal. Mistakes and miscommunication can happen. Feelings may develop even when no intention of naturing the feelings by the flirting party. And this will just create more problems.

So, where flirting is concern, don't get 'caught' red-handed. Might just give someone a wrong idea.

Handsfree.

Right. Handsfree. I think this word, many of you are familiar with it. It just simply means that we don't have to use our hands to control or handle the device/equipment. Most commonly used to refer to a mobile phone headset or a function. Phone company will try to promote their phone by saying that the phone have build-in handsfree with noise cancelling or voice recognition or many other extravagant functions of sorts, that will makes our lives easier, much more convenient and not forgetting fun too...

... So that must be where the fun part comes from when I see people holding their phones with one hand to their mouth (presumably that the handsfree function i.e. loudspeakers are turned on) and the other hand on the wheel, trying to 'expertly' maneuver their car in traffic (and sometimes weaving in and out of traffic). That must be some major skills that I have failed to acquire in driving school. Either that or my driving instructor have short changed me when he was teaching me to drive. I think I might need some refresher course on the 'in' way of driving nowadays.

Oh and I have this Aunt who likes (or loves, I don't know) to talk on her mobile with the loudspeaker. She will make or answer a call and activate the loudspeaker. She will then proceed to shout at (and back at) her phone so that the other person on the other end will hear her loud and clear. My Mom will find this very unnerving because she feels that someone on the other side might be overhearing on the conversation. I have once commented on this because she was shouting away in the house like we, the people around would like to listen to her whole conversation. And she actually gave me an extremely blank look and said "Really???" when I said to her that generally people around don't want to know what was her conversation with the other person was. Either she was being really sarcastic or just plain blur... Knowing my Aunt (or so I hope I know her well enough) that she was just being blur. So till today she is still doing it.

So I personally think the handsfree/loudspeaker functions have been spoiling some of us. If drivers said they can't hear the other person on the other end through the loudspeaker, I'll say call them back later or use a proper headset. A bluetooth headset would be prefect. Without the wiring hassle. Holding the phone with one hand and the other on the wheel still don't count as using 'handsfree' to talk on the phone while driving. And as for people like my Aunt, I have no more comments. I don't think I'll be able to understand her logic either way if she try to explains it to me.