That Special Feeling

Okay, I'm going to bare all and be whinny here for this post. Why? Because I feel like it. That's why.

You know That Special Feeling? The feeling that leaves you all tingling and nice with no cares for the world but the only thing that matters at that moment is you and your significant other.

The special feeling that make you feel cherished by another is hard to duplicate by someone else. I know I'm being anal in this sense but I can't help to compare any potential guys around me to my ex. Somehow no one compares to him. The way he always give me his first bite whenever we're out together regardless if I have food of my own or not. The way he never fails to make me feel really loved, cherished and just plain special whenever we're together. None have compared so far. All they even make me feel is the longing feeling for my ex. Maybe I' just bias against them. And maybe I'm just clouded. (And you know what, I think so too but I don't know how to overcome this)

Yea yea I know this is silly and I shouldn't be even be thinking about it. It's just that he was prefect then and I always thought we were prefect together. That we will be together always and nothing can tear us apart. Boy, I was dead wrong about that. The break up brought many things to my attention. Yes, I'm temperamental at times. Yes, I can be bossy and bitchy at times. But I always thought we could be honest with each other that anything wrong that he is unhappy about, he would just tell me. I know I would be upset but eventually I will see his point seeing that it is the truth. But at last he took the easy way I guess by breaking up with me.

And that left me in pieces. Pieces that I don't think I can ever whole again. I still cry when I'm alone for no reason at all. The tears just comes and goes although I can barely remember our memories together (I suspect is my brain suppressor is kicking in and blocking all the memories). I get upset with life and everything. I am weak. No one that knows me will believe that but I am. I was weak before but now I'm just useless. I go about life now trying to figure what to do with it because I am never myself again after that. Yes, I admit. I'm not over him yet. He still lives in my heart even after this long. I don't know how to get rid of him. It haunts me everywhere I go.